Sexuality & coming out

Nobody can help whether they are born male or female and should never face discrimination because of their gender.  Equally, people should not be discriminated against their sexuality.  Sexuality refers to a person's sexual orientation - whether they are attracted to men or women.

Am I gay or straight?

There is no simple or single answer to this question; we all discover our own sexuality in different ways and at different stages in our lives.  Some people have their first gay experience or relationship when they are young, and others when they are older, some people may freak out when they realise that they fancy someone of the same sex, whilst others take it in their stride..... Either way, whatever you feel, it's only natural and you're not alone. 

Lesbian - Lesbian is the word used to describe a girl or woman who is emotionally and sexually attracted to other girls or women.

Gay - Gay is the word used to describe a person who is emotionally and sexually attracted to people of the same sex.  It is commonly used to describe men and boys who are attracted to other men and boys.

Bisexual - Bisexual is the word used to describe a person who is emotionally and sexually attracted to both people of the opposite or same sex.  Being bisexual does not mean that you have to like both equally, or that you have to go out with them both.

The only person that can say whether you are gay, lesbian or bisexual is YOU, there’s no right or wrong way to deal with any of this.  The most important question to ask yourself is: who do I feel sexually attracted to - women, men or both? You do not necessarily have to have had sex with someone of the same sex to identify yourself as gay, lesbian or bisexual, it is also about who you feel closest to and connect with emotionally.  So, if you fancy people of the same sex, its ok, it’s something that human beings do!  As long as you're honest and happy with whom you are..... IT'S OK!!!

'Coming out' - is a phrase used to describe the process of someone who is gay, lesbian or bisexual telling other people that they are attracted to people of the same sex. Coming out takes time and it can be a difficult process for some people as they may be concerned that others will treat them differently, that their family may disown them.  Even though it can be scary, for some people, coming out is very important as it mean that they are finally being honest with themselves and not keeping anything hidden.

Who to tell? When you are ready to come out, the sensible option is to tell someone that you trust, including your friends and family, who are homophobic (prejudiced against gay, lesbian and bisexual people), this may upset you or make you feel angry, this is why it is important and helpful that you tell people that you really trust and can gain support from.

REMEMBER...... BE HONEST AND HAPPY BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE....

Coming Out: My Story
I came out “officially” to my parents only back in 2009 – but loads happened before then! I always think you don’t come out once, you are always coming out, whether it is to your friends or family, and now with social networking there is Facebook, MSN, text messages and loads more if you do want to come out, it makes it even easier! Remember it is always your choice to come out – some people never do! But if you do choose to come out, how to, when, and to who there is loads of help and advice out there, such as things like the Norfolk LGBT Project!

Before I came out I was really scared what people might say and think, especially my parents! But before I came out to them, I started telling other people who I knew like my friends. I think this really helps and as for me, I realised that actually, coming out wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be and eventually, I started to like telling people that I was gay! If you do chose to come out, first of all think about things like when to and to who. For example, you might not want to tell everybody in the whole word, just some close friends. Also remember that not everybody is comfortable with peoples sexuality and some even can be homophobic. Even though this is quite extreme, please be aware that there are people out there who are homophobic…so choose the people who you tell carefully! When you first come out, a good idea is to only tell people who you really trust! I have also mentioned that some of your friends might just not understand. They could be really good mates, but just don’t know how to help you and support you. Make sure you tell them that you understand, that this is new for you as well. It might be an idea to speak to somebody else (for example a youth worker) about how you can support each other. Also it might be not a good idea to come out when people are feeling different – for example when you have had an argument at home. If you need more information to support your friends as well, go to the library to find a book, pick up a leaflet or go online – if you do use the internet, remember that some sites with incorrect information. As well as this one, another good site to use Stonewall, which has lots of info on LGBT issues, including stuff about coming out.

 I started going to Blah (the Norfolk LGBT Project’s youth group) a few years a go! I remember it was a Wednesday, and I didn’t really know what to expect when I walked through the door. Before I went, I phoned up, and a friendly youth worker answered the phone. I asked if I could come along and she said yes, and from then, the rest is history! Well… not quite! So I went in, sat on one of the squishy sofas (the red one opposite the door is my favourite – but strangely enough, I remember sitting on the one opposite the window!) Anyway, I also remember that I kept asking people if they were gay or not! I know it sound a  bit strange, but I just couldn’t get over that there were other people, people like me in the same room!

Blah is great! I have made loads of new friends, got the chance to go to other LGBT events like Pride, we have been camping…loads of stuff. The group has helped me as well – my confidence has grown a bit more and I feel more that I can express my thoughts and feelings to the others in the group.

Blah, in a nut shell, is a safe space for young LGBT people under the age of 25 to come along, hang out, meet others, get help and advice and really just have a blast…it’s more than just going for the tea and biscuits!